#26 - Dwyane Wade is Rose

Fuck styles?! Let’s cut the bullshit and talk about Rose’s fuck style- ALREADY! Passionate, no nonsense, tells you what she likes and you better stick to that, and you better not lack enthusiasm for it because she’s both figuratively and literally not standing for some half-assed sexing and will get herself off if need be. Done it before, will do it again, either do the job right or get out the boat. She likes sex on boats. Maybe the last bit isn’t canon, not sure. Anyway, is this how I think Dwyane Wade is with sex? Um, honestly, no, but I think it’s what he’s attracted to. Yeah, I feel like that may describe Gabrielle Union better, but there’s a connection there with that and sex is about making a connection and that I think Dwyane Wade, 3x NBA Champion is into that. FUCK STYLES!

I’ve always liked Dwyane Wade and I’ve always liked Rose. I don’t know why I had a little positive bias towards some colleges like Marquette, but I had one and Dwyane Wade was on my radar because of that. Some schools, it’s obvious to me where my large positive bias comes from, but then there’s like a second tier of bias and that’s where Marquette and Xavier is another one where I just have a benignly positive feeling toward them. And Dwyane was a featured star in that season where they went to the Final Four. I remember him from that and remember him being a highly sought after guy coming into the draft and that was a big draft with Lebron coming in from high school and yeah I was hoping he would do well for the Heat and yeah he did fucking well for the Heat. Wade was an immediate impact player in THE league and he’s always been exciting to watch. He was clearly league ready and that second season when Shaq showed up it seemed like they could win a title and it took two tries and they did it. The next year, Wade started getting wrecked with injuries and that fucked him up for a couple years. He’s not small, but Wade’s undersized and he played a physical brand of ball and he took a bunch of damage. Then he got healthy and started playing insane again and was scoring champ and really just an all around threat during the season, but it wasn’t fully translating to the post season and I think they were running into just all around better teams. He becomes friends with Lebron and Bosh and BOOM - Dwyane’s in 4 straight finals and they win 2 of them. THE league is fucking tough and no one is winning a title without a team. Some excellent ballplayers are never lucky enough in that sense to get another excellent ballplayer to be with them. I think Wade is a truly excellent ballplayer who got to play with Shaq and got to play with Lebron and when those guys were together they won championships. And Wade was the MVP of that Shaq championship. 

Rose? Well, she rocks. Also, an immediate impact player who you gotta like from the start. Rose is one of the first characters you meet with like dialogue. The whole opening plane crash and running around and engine and all that aside, the first bit of dialogue and personality is Jack and Rose interacting on the plane and you’re supposed to like her. She has automatic warmth to her and even though you’ve already seen Jack running around and heroing left and right on that beach, you like Jack because you see him have this nice interaction with Rose and you want him to be nice to Rose, so you’re sold on him being the real good guy on the show. I kind of wish there was more of Rose on ‘Lost’ as it’s always nice to check in with her, but that would be a little out of character for her as a person who isn’t getting bothered by all the turmoil on THE island. She’s kind of the motherly voice of the show- this ‘firm but fair’ and loving with a bit of tough truth talk to make some other character see what’s really important. 

I think both Rose and Wade are doing their thing, regardless. They’ve got shit covered on their end. Sure, if they want to win a championship per say or have friends or more so have a husband then people have to come to them and they’ll do that. Rose survives a plane crash and she’s rather unbothered by it all and sits on the beach staring out at the ocean and she’s kind of just hanging out, living. I feel like that’s Wade in Miami. Yeah, at the end of his career he jumped around a bit, but that dude was in Miami for 13 seasons straight and was the pride of that city for 13 straight seasons and saw 3 championships and potential for at least 2 others. He got Lebron to come to him. Jack comes to Rose on the beach and they share a chat and some good words and learn stuff or Charlie shares a chat with Rose and he learns stuff and grows, but Rose isn’t ever getting into other stuff- Rose is just being Rose. Rose is just being Rose when her future husband Bernard spots her on the street and decides to get involved with her trying to get her car out of the snow. Rose gets a cancer diagnosis and she’s nonplussed about it, but she kind of just takes that shit in stride and decides to just live her life. She survives a plane crash on THE island and immediately can tell her cancer is gone and she’s just like, ‘Now, I live on this island and this is who I am now’ and it’s up to Bernard to get his mind wrapped around that he’s now on THE island too for life and that’s kind of like Lebron and Bosh wanting to join up and make a championship 3some and Wade’s like ‘I’m in Miami’ and then they’re like, ‘Well, we’re taking our talents to South Beach’ then. I’m sure Wade was paid a bunch of money in Miami over the years, but there are plenty of players who get paid and they have a back and forth with their franchise and all that. Wade is from Chicago, went to college in Wisconsin, but he became Miami. 

So, I guess Wade is like Rose’s fuck style. Like he’s got his Miami routine and he likes what he likes and he wasn’t really ever ready to part with that. He did play two seasons outside of Miami and then was back for a couple seasons, but whatever that’s not who Dwyane Wade is. Dwyane’s an immediate A lister in the league like Rose was on the show being in that first interaction and you finding out she has a missing husband and she makes Jack question his negativity around faith, Rose made Charlie cry and that’s like Dwyane winning an NBA championship being a Finals MVP, Rose has cancer but gets over it like Dwyane has a bunch of terrible injuries and recovers from them, Bernard shows up and so does Lebron and they live happily ever after together, right? Ok. 

Don’t know where to throw this in, but Dwyane Wade is an incredible blocker for his size. I think everyone knows he’s great on both sides of the ball, he’s a solid stealsman, but one stat that’s wild is that he’s got the most blocks for a player 6’4” or smaller. More than that though, he broke that ‘record’ in 400+ less games than the previous owner, Dennis Johnson. That’s a lot of fucking blocks in not as much time by a lot. Ok.