LOST is NBA, NBA is LOST

Fuck. Yeah. I was asked about if I planned any of this list out and I haven’t. But that isn’t to say that my brain doesn’t wander from time to time and think ahead and the first son of Kingston, Jamaica and one of the greatest imports the United States and, especially, the city of New York has ever known is definitely going to be on this list. Without a doubt, Patrick Aloysius Ewing is one of the greatest to play this fucking sport and to play in the NBA. And, when I think about Aloysius, I think of greatest, I think of power, I think of being a chosen one who I rooted for and loved rooting for. And, when I think about Patrick, I think about a tragic Shakespearean figure akin to King Lear. And, who embodies that more than the truly great Harold Perrineau as Michael Dawson. Fuck. Yeah. I feel like I could write a damn thesis on the wondrous giraffe of a center Patrick Ewing and how he seemed poised to legit rule the basketball world and how success at the highest level just slipped from...

They both pulled off miracles, they’re both attractive whites, and I’d bet good money both have real bad white/conservative politics. And I’m not only talking about Sarah, the fictional character of ‘Lost’ who survived a terrible car crash and should’ve been paralyzed from it somehow was not and believed that her spinal surgeon was the cause of saving her legs but he doesn’t believe that’s the case and either way the two end up getting married and then later divorced and that man is Jack Shephard aka the main character of ‘Lost’, but I’m talking about Julie Bowen as well.  Let’s go roundball first- Bob Pettit played professional hoops in the NBA for one team that played in two different cities and neither team exists in those cities today. Think about that. Bob Pettit played for the Milwaukee Hawks. And then the Milwaukee Hawks became the St. Louis Hawks. And then he retired from pro hoops. And then the Hawks moved to Atlanta and have existed there for FIFTY TWO YEARS. FUCK?! Liste...

Better known as Clyde and Nadia, respectively. RESPECTIVELY. C’mon! Of course, the famed and one and only point guard for the illustrious 2x NBA Championship - with a capital C - winning New York Knicks is the famed and one and only Freedom - with a capital F - Fighter - another capital F - for the illustrious Iraqi people, *and Love of Sayid Jarrah’s Life - both with as big of a capital L as one can imagine*. Yes, Noor and Walt who are much better known as Nadia and Clyde.  Am I a New York Knickerbockers sympathizer? Sure. Have I not shown great and immense love for players and champions of many other regions in this very United States of National Basketball Association including Toronto? Of-fucking-course I have! Read these insane screeds! These impassioned essays of bizarreness. I have poured my heart out about Gary Payton, I have poured my heart out about Ray Allen, I have poured my heart out about other people who won championships for other teams that are not the Miami Heat. ...

Dad. Not ‘Daddy’. Dad. An actual ‘father’. Chris Paul is an excellent point guard and all that is well and good, but his brand is ‘Dad’ now with a capital letter D and he most definitely needed to be paired with another Dad in Woo-Jung Paik aka Sun’s Dad aka CEO of Paik Heavy Industries. We’re talking about a Dad who is powerful, global, established, a giver, a bit of a demander about what’s been given, not easy to get along, but again a Dad. They’re your fucking Dad.  Who is Chris Paul nowadays? Who is CP3? What is CP3’s legacy? That’s where we’re at with Chris Paul, we’re talking legacy. It’s crazy. I know I’m old and all at 37 and I know I suffer from the same issues as an old person and think I’m ‘young’ in that it feels crazy to me to have first hand knowledge of a FIFTEEN YEAR career of Chris Paul and for that to have been also post college. UGH. Fucking college! Yeesh. I’m crying. Nevermind. Chris Paul was a big deal, 4th overall pick from Wake Forest - I’ve always hated tha...

Let’s be honest, who cares? On a list where Anthony Davis is ranked ahead of some truly all-time great NBAers who have won championships and defined the game, we also have Bob fucking Cousy at #41. Serious-fucking-ly? Like one second ago, I was writing about Russell Westbrook. RUSSELL FUCKING WESTBROOK. And now I’m writing about the man one ahead better of Russell fucking Westbrook is Bob Cousy. In what world does one imagine that Bob Cousy could have ever beat Russell Westbrook? Bob in his prime and Russell when he was pre-puberty. Maybe in a society where Russell Westbrook has not started the pubescent decade of his life he loses a game of basketball to fucking Bob Cousy. Yeesh. Put him on the fucking list, ok, but fucking #41?! Are we nuts?! Why even stop there? Make him #15. Make him whatever. Nothing that Bob Cousy has done would make this make more sense if you put him at #74 or #2. He played six million years ago, his stats do not hold up, he won 6 NBA championships alongside fu...

JIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know you’re saying to yourself, ‘Is he fucking insane to put Jin this high up or low down on the list depending on how one thinks about lists because we’re at #42 and that means there are still 41 to go and is he this nuts to use Jin here and now?!’ And first, fuck you. Second, I love you and I’m sorry. Third, I am not ranking the Lost characters. Let me repeat- I AM NOT RANKING THE LOST CHARACTERS. What is happening is me saying who is who in the other thing and with that JIN, glorious and handsome and truly an MVP of THE island and the series of Lost in general, is the #42 on this ESPN NBA all-timer list aka Russell motherfucking Westbrook!  Damn it! So, who is Russell Westbrook? First if the world ever goes back to a normalcy where the NBA operates in a similar fashion as it did pre-COVID-19 and that happens soonish, there is no reason to believe that Russell Westbrook won’t be further up or ...

Arzt! Barry! You knew it. You knew it! Who had it on their BINGO board? Who had it?! Raise your hand. C’mon, you knew that the high percentage shooter/scorer of the ABA/NBA era famed for being a champion of both leagues and for his extraordinary use of the underhand free throw would be paired with THE island roastmaster general who was previously a doctorate having high school science teacher with an incredibly odd backstory in catfishing to Australia which I had never known before reading that like a minute ago and whose life ended in a fiery explosion. You knew it! YOU FUCKING KNEW IT. Fuck you, I’m so predictable. I know. Sorry!  Yeah, so Rick Barry, I guess the pride of Roselle Park High School, New Jersey, scored a shit ton of points in the ABA/NBA and won a championship in both leagues, which is wild, and he was a big deal in college and he also was good at steals and yeah he’s a great ball player. So, I’m saying Rick’s high accuracy shooting is similar to Leslie’s fast and f...