#42 - Russell Westbrook is Jin-Soo Kwan

JIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know you’re saying to yourself, ‘Is he fucking insane to put Jin this high up or low down on the list depending on how one thinks about lists because we’re at #42 and that means there are still 41 to go and is he this nuts to use Jin here and now?!’ And first, fuck you. Second, I love you and I’m sorry. Third, I am not ranking the Lost characters. Let me repeat- I AM NOT RANKING THE LOST CHARACTERS. What is happening is me saying who is who in the other thing and with that JIN, glorious and handsome and truly an MVP of THE island and the series of Lost in general, is the #42 on this ESPN NBA all-timer list aka Russell motherfucking Westbrook! 

Damn it! So, who is Russell Westbrook? First if the world ever goes back to a normalcy where the NBA operates in a similar fashion as it did pre-COVID-19 and that happens soonish, there is no reason to believe that Russell Westbrook won’t be further up or down on this list in a positive fashion-- meaning he’s much closer to a top 20 all-timer than a top 50. Right? He averages well over 20 points a game, over half a dozen rebounds and assists a game, he’s good at steals too. He does it all. He doesn’t shoot threes as well as some people would like and he turns the ball over a bit too much, but he also has the ball in his hands a fuck ton. Whatever. Russell Westbrook is a high intensity, highly entertaining, and highly talented dude who is showing no signs of slowing down and if he plays another 5 years and is like 36 or whatever and they redo this list- he’ll probably have leapfrogged a couple dozen players on this list I’m guessing. I’m STATING. I’m a big fan of Russell Westbrook. If I had the choice to watch any current basketball player play a basketball game, Russell Westbrook is one of the first players I’d think of. I think Lebron, Kawhi, and Russell would be the first three names that I’d think of. Am I a BASIC B for saying that? And not for saying Luka or like Devin Booker or something? Get over yourselves! Russell can do it the fuck all and is damn entertaining too. 

You know who can also do it all? FUCKING JIN! Jin, man. Jin fucking does it all. All of it. You need someone to provide food? Jin knows how to fish and he’s fucking good at it. He’s catching fish like 10 seconds after crashing on that damn THE island. BAM- plane crash! BAM- Jin has made a net and is catching fish in a little tide pool or whatever thing. You need someone to beat someone’s ass? Jin can do that. Jin beats people’s asses on this show! Beats them right up. You need a boat to be built to sail off THE island to hopefully flag down like a big ole’ shipping boat to send a rescue craft to THE island? BAM! Jin is doing that! Jin’s doing it all. This is all season 1 shit that Jin is doing. Jin basically opened a fucking seafood eatery with fresh fish, urchins, and all sorts of shit on THE island, he’s opening cans of whoop ass on people, he’s building a naval craft… take a breath and sit down for this one… HE LEARNS A FUCKING WHOLE NEW LANGUAGE ON THE DAMN ISLAND AFTER SURVIVING A PLANE CRASH AND BEING HUNTED BY VARIOUS GROUPS OF MURDERERS. Yeah, Jin is all about speaking Korean before he lands on THE island. He speaks Korean and nothing else. Two months later, the dude basically is fluent in English. That’s fucking crazy! Even crazier than the idea that he fucking learned a language without Rosetta Stone on a damn THE island filled with murderers and all that, it took him way less than two months to do it. It was probably more like a month because he only starts trying to learn English after his wife reveals that she speaks English and hid that from him because she was going to escape to America without him. So, dude learned English in a month, let’s say. 

Oh yeah, about that wife of his- Sun. Sun! Let’s be honest, just locking down Sun is some HOF material to begin with. That is some winning the MVP of the league type shit to begin with. Yeah. Sun. ON TOP OF THAT, Jin did it all ‘Prince and the Pauper’ style or maybe I’m misremembering this, but he was the fucking doorman to a hotel when he started courting the at least multi-millionaire heiress Sun who is also incredibly attractive. So, hotty with the money and the prestige and he is the son of a fisherman who is opening a damn door. Not to say that Jin isn’t a piece of ass himself, which we all know he is. We have sight and we see that and those who do not have sight have heard the tales of Jin’s hotness. Maybe they even did the thing where they traced their fingertips over his perfect face? I don’t know. Anyway, Jin! Jin fucking rules. Need someone to use a gun? Jin can do that. Jin is quite comfortable with guns. Need someone to sneak into something or break out of something or like chase down someone or help devise a plan to stop a bomb from exploding or later survive an explosion from that bomb on that boat? JIN CAN DO ALL OF THAT. And does. Need someone to watch your damn baby? Jin is on that. Jin is also a dog owner. Jin is good with babies and dogs. Jin is the fucking man. And that’s basically how Russell Westbrook is on the court- scoring, slashing, dashing, rebounding, ballhandling, assisting, passing, moving, stealing, keeping it high tempo all night long, recovering quickly and stronger from injuries, constant threat, leading teams et cetera and et cetera. 

As far as the negatives, both have been shown to have quick tempers, communication issues, talking about that 3 point shooting is like when Jin was supposed to shoot that dynamite with his pistol and missed, and I think we can easily associate Russell’s turnovers with Jin getting into a good deal of arguments with his wife, Sun. Marriage isn’t easy, I think we can all agree on that. And temper issues, Russell may flip out on a racist fan and they deserve it and Jin may have flipped out and attacked Michael without knowing the whole situation, but he did know that Michael and Sun were keeping a secret and husband’s do get jealous and violent. Anyway, stop fucking talking shit and judging Jin and Russell!

Fuck styles? I think it’s going to be athletic and just like a pelvic pounding. Just like humping and humping forever. I think that’s something. I don’t think it’s going to be aggressive or like with that almost meanness behind it like some other people mentioned on this list. I think it’s just like a forever amount of humping and it’s going to be sweaty and possibly be like television/movie sex where the sheets are every where and people are upside down afterward, maybe a lamp is knocked over. Russell is a man of many looks and an overall man of fashion, so I think that will be reflected in his fuck style that the humping and thrusting will be in many positions and in many areas of wherever this sexual encounter is taking place. And clearly, Jin changes a lot over his time on THE island and, honestly, changes a lot from being a fisherman’s son to like a millionaire right-hand man killer or something, so I think his sex is going to be in a lot of places and will evolve, but it will consist mainly of humping and humping as sex kind of is a lot of humping regardless. Just like how much do they work on their own kegels or specific hip thrust workouts and lifts to be able to consistently do this and with this much force for so long? It’s going to be a lot. Might need a pre and post electrolyte/protein/gel or whatever planned.