#27 - Giannis Antetokounmpo is Achara

GREEK FREAK. Hands down the funniest and best nickname in THE league today. At least, off the top of my head that’s the #1 spot. Ok, so if you watch THE league then you know who the hell Giannis Antetokounmpo. As for Achara? Do you remember Achara? This is a deep cut character, I’ll say that. Although, Achara does share a good chunk of one episode with Dr. Jack- yeah, it’s one episode. One weird episode. One problematic episode, probably. So, it’s the alluring Phuket, Thailand tattooist mystic and the fucking GREEK FREAK. 

First and foremost, I was shocked to see Giannis on this list. I’m not a Giannis skeptic or Giannis truther or anything- dude is incredible. He’s 6’11” and moves like the wind and is really enjoyable to watch cut through guys and, at times, score at will. But… uhhhh… give me a fucking break. NUMBER TWENTY SEVEN?! OF ALL-TIME. Remember when I was shocked to see Anthony Davis on this list? Remember when I was shocked to see Damian Lillard on this list? Like either of them being on the list at all? Take that TRIPLE it and then QUADRUPLE that and then add TWENTY SEVEN because he’s #27 on the list of best players in THE league ever. It’s one thing to have Giannis on this list. That’s a conversation. He’s been THE league’s MVP. That is an accomplishment, for sure. No argument. And I’d fully entertain the idea that every league MVP should be on this list. Or every league MVP since 1970 or something. Whatever. I’d gladly have that conversation. And there is a world of difference between putting him on this list and ranking him 27. That’s wild. That’s really wild. I would never. I just wouldn’t. And I’m no where near the old-timey athlete lover, nostalgia athlete lover that others are. Can’t imagine all of the people who came up with this at ESPN has less nostalgia than me. I’d find that shocking. Obviously, who cares. The world is ending. The machinations of evil are everywhere. The veil of having ever lived in a moral or good society or the opportunity to ever live in one has been pissed and shit on and set ablaze. BUT if we’re having this discussion about this list with any seriousness, I was shocked to see Giannis on this list and couldn’t even fathom he’d be on it at #27. I expected Harden to be on this list and I expected him to be in a good spot, whether or not I’d agree with it, but once I passed like #60 I really had no thought whatsoever of seeing Giannis. The Anthony Davis one was shocking too as I keep saying as shocked as I am, but this is crazy. 

But I digress, I was trying to think of who Giannis would be and my wife said, ‘Who were you the most surprised to see on ‘Lost’?’ And that was easy, BAI fucking LING. 

I like Bai Ling. Not that I need a second reason, but the fucking THE CROW. ‘I like the pretty lights’ - yeah, I’ve watched that movie one bazillion times and Bai Ling was perfect casting as Myca. I like Bai Ling and she’s beautiful, she says some wild things like that she’s from the Moon, but, yeah, she was a surprise to see all of a sudden on ‘Lost’ and she’s in a particularly strange bottle episode about Jack getting tattoos and it’s just all around bizarre. From the jump when making ‘Lost’, there were stories about the cast getting into all sorts of trouble in Hawaii and, whether Bai Ling is really as out there as she seems to be, she’s a lit match being thrown into a tinderbox. How much trouble could she be filming over the course of what like 2 or 3 days? Who knows. But it seemed like an interesting casting decision. So, she’s surprising and then the episode is weirdly surprising- Achara is the Greek Freak. 

I do want to double-back on Giannis being an incredible ballplayer. As mentioned, MVP. He was voted the MVP last season after averaging 27+ points per game and 12.5 rebounds a game and almost SIX assists per game. He was balling last season. Milwaukee was an out and out force throughout the regular season. They did seem to tire out in the post-season, which is a negative. This is Giannis’ eighth season and he has looked better and better each year, which makes me understand (again) why he’s on this list (and I think this position is way too high). He’s actually outplaying his MVP season in this current season, which is wild. With the break, who knows? One thought is that older guys are going to get a second life, but there are some younger guys who grind themselves into dust throughout the season who haven’t paced themselves and will possibly get renewed energy to takeover this truncated playoffs. I don’t know. We’ll see. And on top of all of his offensive work, dude’s got some of that long limbed defensive ability with blocks and steals and he was First Team Defense last season. He’s a force. It’s just surprising and so is #27.

They’re both surprising and I like them both. I really haven’t talked about Achara, but the whole thing is Dr. Jack seems like this white good boy and then he takes his shirt off and he’s got some tattoos. And the prominent shoulder tattoos are these Chinese characters and a green number 5 and then this triangle looking lines and then B C and who knows. It’s a jumbled mess, but Achara is the tattoo artist that Jack forces to tattoo those 4 Chinese characters onto him. Jack has a flashback knee deep into season 3 of his time drunkenly living on a beach in Phuket, Thailand. Of course, there’s some gorgeous bikini clad woman walking about who takes a liking to him and he to her and that’s Achara. Turns out, Achara is some kind of mystic medium type who tattoos people some phrase or whatever that says who they truly are. Jack is basically Eat, Pray, Loving or Drink, Sleep, Banging in Thailand, so he wants one of these tattoos that will riddle out who he really is. Achara won’t do it because she only does it for ‘natives’ and then he forces her to do it, which is creepy and not cool. And then the next day, Achara’s brother and his friends beat the fuck out of Jack for getting that tattoo and Achara seems sad about it, but doesn’t do anything to stop it from happening. Honestly, fuck Jack. Fucking Boston Red Sox fan culturally appropriating while he’s on vacation. Anyway, that’s Achara’s story. 

Big comparison is the surprise factor and that I guess I’m fans of both. I do like Giannis and he’s easily one of the more fun players to watch in THE league. And as much I think Luka is fun to watch and all that, I legit cannot get myself into rooting for Dallas. I just can’t. Milwaukee? The Bucks? I can root for them. Hell, I have rooted for them! I already wrote about Ray Allen and how I was a big fan of his. I liked Glenn Robinson a lot and I liked Vin Baker too. I rooted for that team. And I was totally on board for ‘Young Money’ Brandon Jennings and FEAR THE DEER. I’ve got East-bias anyway, I’ve rooted for that franchise before, and I’m pro seeing a franchise that hasn’t won a title in my lifetime to fucking do it. What else? Giannis could be the truth and, apparently, Achara is too. Neither of them have tattoos? Does Bai Ling have any tattoos? Probably, but I mean she shows a lot of skin and I don’t remember her having any and she also played a tattoo artist. Giannis is a whole lot of man and know tattoos. Hmmm, yeah, neither won a championship? Apparently, she’s got a song on the ‘Lost’ soundtrack, so I guess that’s like being THE league MVP, but is only in one episode and never referenced again, so that’s like making the playoffs then getting runover by the Raptors. The Raptors mugging the Bucks was a bit like Achara’s brother and friends beating the shit out of Jack. Yeah, Jack got to have sex with Achara and that is everything starting great in that 2-0 Bucks lead, but then they got runover after that, which is like getting gang beat up on a beach. 

Fuck styles? Greek Freak. Yeah, I bet he’s fucked on a beach. I bet. Fucking by a pool, fucking by the ocean, fucking near some water, maybe just some shower fucking. Greek Freak. Achara is obviously into all of that. Maybe it’s gotta be outdoors considering he’s like 7 feet tall and I just can’t understand how 7 footers have sex on a bed. I think it’s going to be sex that gets you back to nature and Mother Earth and you’re bathed in sunlight and there’s a water feature nearby.