#36 - Kevin McHale is Stuart Radzinsky

Oh yeah, real ‘old man yells at cloud’ energy from these two. OMYAC? A couple of OMYACs! Just two unsettling white men who ‘NO TRESPASSING’ signs all over their property, whether big or small, and even if you’re in the process of picking up your dog’s poop with a dog poop bag they’re going to say something about cleaning up after your dog and you’re like ‘I know I’m doing that’ and you secretly wish their house catches on fire or something. What? I’m just saying when it comes to Boston Celtics legend and Dharma Initiative’s Head of Research they seem like shitty, angry old dudes no matter what age they are and they’d probably pick a fight with you over something completely insignificant and you’d be like ‘Whatever, man!’ and then spend the rest of your day thinking ‘Should I have like attacked that old man? Nah, he’s probably got a gun and what would be the point anyway. Just better not to interact with that weirdo at all.’ Right?

The Boston Celtics of the 1980s somehow feel like they were from the 50s. I know Magic and Larry’s stories are just completely intertwined and maybe they seem like they’re from the same time, but the rest of that Celtics team feels like it could’ve been of that Virginia Squires or St. Louis Hawks eras of before then. And Kevin McHale, in particular. You’ve got a tall ass white guy who looks both nerdy and pissed all the time and he’s really just a big ass low post threat- rebounds and little put in shots. I mean his big strength at first was being this great 6th man and being a part of this 1-2 combo with Robert Parish. That Celtics team was big. McHale, Parish, Larry is a tall French Lick of a dude to begin with. The first two titles that three have together also had Cedric Maxwell who was a big dude who played huge in the ‘81 finals - MVP - and then in the ‘86 championship they had Bill Walton. So, just big boys boarding. Lots of boards and low post play and McHale was obviously integral to that, especially in that later ‘85-’86 championship as he was not sixth manning it and was playing 40 minutes. But yeah, just a big ass dude, playing like an angry egghead down low, and who grew up to be a salty unfriendly elder angry egghead. 

Radzinsky is that Charles Manson hippie archetype of The Dharma Initiative. They all seem like peace and love and they’re doing all this forward thinking shit, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some loose cannons amongst them. Percentage wise there’s gotta be a few. It’s like, ‘Ok, we’re going to live on THE island and we’re going to make a commune and we’re not going to have like a money system between us and we’re going to study like magnets and aging or something. Ok, any questions? What’s that? Do we all get guns? I … I don’t know why we’d nee- … what? And your follow-up question was about our torturing policy of prisoners? I didn’t mention prisons, prisoners, or torture, but ummm I guess give me a second to think. You’re just picturing a very different version of this THE island than I am.’ So, Stu is like drilling for magnets to use as energy to change the world forever and at the same time has that gat on him at all times and he looks legit unwashed and unkempt and nuts and they have a whole community of houses with running water, so there’s no reason for that. Stu’s just like ready to shoot people and blow people up and imprison them and just like a lot. 

I feel like personality wise there’s a lot of overlap. Also, I guess discovering magnet, ‘Heart of the Island’, energy to end all energy or whatever and then like knowing what to do with that I suppose is akin to McHale winning three NBA championships. And Stu is like a big time team guy. He’s rolling with a pack of armed dudes all the time and I guess that’s McHale with the Celtics and the tall boys known as the 1985-86 champions known as ‘The Torture Chamber’. Also, I’m starting to think about the drilling of the magnetic energy and how that plays a part of THE ‘The Incident’, which is this big ass explosion that is also part hydrogen bomb explosion. So, that happens and most of the people on THE island die, but some make it because they were on a submarine. But like 3 years later, they create the station where they have the computer that needs the code that keeps the magnetic energy from exploding again. So, who built that? So, Radzinsky survives The Incident explosion? That seems dumb. He’s like right next to the explosion when it happens. I feel like Dr. Chang surviving is also dumb. Like who even died in that explosion? So, a hydrogen bomb and a magnetic energy spike create a gigantic explosion and multiple people within 20 yards of it didn’t die? That’s wild. Weak ass explosion. Get that shit out of here! Radzinsky surviving an explosion and then building a computer to keep that from exploding again is akin to McHale going 82-18 including 50-1 at home throughout that ‘85 - ‘86 championship run. 

Fuck styles? I’d rather not think about it. I feel like both of these guys like trapped small animals at some point and killed them. Right? One look at Kevin McHale and you know this guy has like caught a rabbit and laughed and killed it. It’s like struggling and his goofy ass is laughing. Rabbits are in Minnesota, right? Snow rabbits. What’s up there? Seals. Chinchillas. So, them fucking? I think I’m still really having a difficult time picturing like 7 footers fucking. McHale’s 6’10” and that still is just so much person to have normal sexual movements. I think normal sexual movements maybe tops out at 6’8”. At best or at most. And every inch past that gets exponentially less movements oriented. So, I think it’s up to whoever is fucking McHale to do the deed and he’s just kind of leering at them. Same with Radzinsky, even though he is way shorter. Big leer jobs these two. And then like highly critical afterward.