#38 - Bob Pettit is Sarah Wagner aka Sarah Shephard

They both pulled off miracles, they’re both attractive whites, and I’d bet good money both have real bad white/conservative politics. And I’m not only talking about Sarah, the fictional character of ‘Lost’ who survived a terrible car crash and should’ve been paralyzed from it somehow was not and believed that her spinal surgeon was the cause of saving her legs but he doesn’t believe that’s the case and either way the two end up getting married and then later divorced and that man is Jack Shephard aka the main character of ‘Lost’, but I’m talking about Julie Bowen as well. 

Let’s go roundball first- Bob Pettit played professional hoops in the NBA for one team that played in two different cities and neither team exists in those cities today. Think about that. Bob Pettit played for the Milwaukee Hawks. And then the Milwaukee Hawks became the St. Louis Hawks. And then he retired from pro hoops. And then the Hawks moved to Atlanta and have existed there for FIFTY TWO YEARS. FUCK?! Listen, Bob Pettit played so long ago that he played his entire 11 year career BEFORE the ABA existed. That’s fucked up. I think Bob’s so damn old that his nickname is ‘Bob’ and that’s as far as they got with nicknames that a 6’9” dude named Robert who does basically everything one can do in the NBA - Rookie of the Year, MVP, scoring champion, rebounding leader, and, of course, NBA champion - and all they got for him was ‘Bob’. Like Pettit may have played pro hoops before nicknames or like good nicknames. Is that possible? It is impressive how many points and rebounds this guy had from back then - 20,880 points and 12,849 rebounds. Top 50 for the one, top 20 for the other. 

The miracle that ‘Bob’ was a part of, a big part of - actually, the main part of I’d guess -, is winning a fucking NBA championship in 1958 against Bill Russell and his Boston Celtics. That’s fucking wild! Bill Russell won the NBA championship in 1957 and then he won the following NBA championships from 1959 to 1966. EVERY FUCKING ONE. Bill Russell does continue to win THREE MORE FUCKING CHAMPIONSHIPS after that as well. Like Bill Russell comes into the league in ‘56 and loses in the playoffs to a team that my brain cannot comprehend - SYRACUSE NATIONALS who hilariously become the Philadelphia 76ers even though there was a Philly team at the time named the Philadelphia Warriors who end up moving to the Golden State, anyway - and then Bill Russell wins and then Bill Russell loses in a famed series against the St. Louis Hawks and then basically stops losing altogether. So, Bob Pettit played in the league for a few years before Bill Russell and then played in a league dominated by Bill Russell for the rest of his career, but he MIRACULOUSLY beat Bill Russell in 1958. And as good as Bob Pettit was, I mean Bill Russell gets hurt. He does suffer an ankle injury. BUT Bob Pettit did play his tiny white ass off in Game 6 where he scored 50 points including the final 18 points for his team. 

With that being said, Sarah Wagner gets into a terrible car crash with her then fiancee I think and her spine is fucked up - medical terms - but she just so happens to be at the hospital that Dr. Jack is at and he does everything he can although he doesn’t think he did enough and when he goes to check on his flaxen haired patient and he’s giving her the bad news that she’s paralyzed - she says she can move her toes and she can. So, maybe Jack is the ankle injury on Bill Russell, but it’s Sarah and whatever she’s got going on in her spine and mitochondrias(?) who is Bob getting fucking 50 duckets to seal the Game 6 and the championship. I think that all checks the fuck out. So, her and her internal cell structure worked their tiny white ass off to recover and make those legs work, which is equivalent to an NBA championship, for sure. Also, Sarah is a hell of a rebounder too in that she goes from one fiancee to breaking it off with that guy and right into dating Dr. Jack and then getting engaged to him and then getting married to him and then when that marriage starts to go south - she starts cheating on Dr. Jack right away and then divorces Dr. Jack and gets right into a new relationship, engagement, marriage, and I think kids too. So, yeah, talk about 12,849 fucking rebounds pre-the-existence-of-the-ABA, right?

Fuck styles? Well, they’re very angular and objectively attractive and I’m guessing obviously conservative whites, so I’m guessing it’s like pretty standard shit and just like no passion. Bob played for the last all-white NBA team to win a title and then after basketball he got into banking and then like financial consulting and made a bunch of money doing that. I mean, good for him on being successful, but yeah I’d legit put a cool hundo on him having some super conservative politics that I do not enjoy one bit. So, like what would it be like to fuck some 6'9" probably Catholic white from the 50's? Not great. No to that. As for Sarah Shephard, well, her first fiancee is a supreme douchebag and she was set to marry that guy and he was the one who walked away from it when he found out she might be paralyzed and his first question was if they could still bang. He ended the relationship with her still in the hospital, before her even getting the good news that she’s not paralyzed. That’s how bad of a dude that guy was and she was going to marry him! And I’m pretty sure he had slicked back black hair too. YIKES. No. Then she marries Dr. Jack who is kind of an enormous mess unto himself and she basically marries a guy who is becoming more and more of a drunk and pillhead and who clearly has commitment issues and she still marries him. And then later she cheats on him with some random bald dude, and I don’t know if this sounds like a person who has a good fuck style. Right? Am I crazy? She’s pretty, but there’s a lot going on there that needs to be really looked into. And I read once on the internet that Julie Bowen fucked Tucker Carlson and, honestly, I can’t unknow that. I had seen somewhere else that they’re friends and that’s almost worse. They’re both terrible. That’s awful. This one was a downer. I’m sorry.