#37 - Patrick Ewing is Michael Dawson

Fuck. Yeah. I was asked about if I planned any of this list out and I haven’t. But that isn’t to say that my brain doesn’t wander from time to time and think ahead and the first son of Kingston, Jamaica and one of the greatest imports the United States and, especially, the city of New York has ever known is definitely going to be on this list. Without a doubt, Patrick Aloysius Ewing is one of the greatest to play this fucking sport and to play in the NBA. And, when I think about Aloysius, I think of greatest, I think of power, I think of being a chosen one who I rooted for and loved rooting for. And, when I think about Patrick, I think about a tragic Shakespearean figure akin to King Lear. And, who embodies that more than the truly great Harold Perrineau as Michael Dawson. Fuck. Yeah.

I feel like I could write a damn thesis on the wondrous giraffe of a center Patrick Ewing and how he seemed poised to legit rule the basketball world and how success at the highest level just slipped from his grasp or more so rolled off his extended hand onto the rim of the hoop and then off of it. FUCK!!!! Man! A finger-roll?! A FUCKING FINGER-ROLL!?!?!!?! PATRICK!!! PATRICK?!?!! DAMN IT. Fuck. Seriously. Fuck. Ok. FUCK! IT WAS THERE! THE GAME WOULD’VE BEEN TIED!!!! HE HAD IT! AND THE YEAR BEFORE?! THEY WERE UP THREE TO TWO!!! C’MON!! WHAT?! PATRICK! C’MON! WE HAD IT!! YOU HAD IT!!! FUCK! Fuck. shit. Ok. Ok. So, yeah. I mean that will flash before my eyes before life ends. And I mean if there is an afterlife (there’s like zero chance there is) and my wife is up there with me and she can see what flashed before my eyes when I died and she sees a heroic wondrous giraffe of a center in the white New York Knicks gear with the high socks juke the fuck out of the Indiana Pacers in a game 7 semi-finals and then full on miss the shit out of a loopy fucking finger-roll and she will be like what is wrong with you and I’ll be like YES I KNOW I’M THE FIRST TO ADMIT A LOT IS WRONG WITH ME. Ok. So, that’s going to happen now. I’m going to The Secret an afterlife and then we’ll all get afterlives. Have not enough people been visionboarding like a cure for all this shit? Is that why everything is going so bad? We got away from The Secret. What am I talking about?! 

Highly sought after college recruit, one of the best college centers to lace the damn things, NCAA champion, first team on everything in college playing for the motherfucking Georgetown Hoyas, looking like a damn beautiful freak in college, like a damn beautiful freak nightmare on the hardwood in college, fucking NBA rigged the draft to send this wondrous giraffe to New York City to have the world see this glory in all its splendor play center and dunk and block and lead and have a flattop, rookie of the damn year he was a rookie, 11x All-Star, scoring almost 25,000 points, 11,600+ rebounds, almost 2,900 blocks in their fucking faces, motherfucking DREAM TEAM for the fucking US, motherfucking buying Charles Barkley’s Budweisers all over Europe, and just everything - but an NBA champion. It just wasn’t it. I mean, that fucking juke for a big man and the fadiest fade away jumper. He’s a legend. A fucking legend. And he’s a tragic figure with getting close those two years and the rest of the years dealing with Michael Jordan more or less always getting the better of him, but yeah. 

Michael Dawson was a candidate, a Jacob candidate, and, later, a chosen hand by Jacob to help lead them back to THE island and help kill off the people who want to kill off the candidates. So, Jacob is commissioner David Stern and THE island is the New York Knicks I think and whatever, you get it. Michael’s a great character. Michael gets a lot of shit done and is involved with a lot of A storylines. Michael builds the boat, builds it twice actually because his son Walt burns it down the first time, he helps lead the saving of Charlie and Jack in the rockslide or in the plan to save them but Charlie kind of just ends up saving himself and Jack, Michael becomes a bad guy and kills Analucia and Libby to free Ben to get Walt back after he was kidnapped when they were on the boat, Michael continues to be a bad guy in leading Jack et al into a trap by The Others to get Walt back, he sees Sun’s boobs and gets into a fist fight with Jin about that and he also is the first to know Sun speaks English I think, he becomes an assassin for Jacob on the Widmore freighter, and all around is yelling ‘Walt!’ and ‘That’s my son!’ like all the fucking time on THE island. He’s a flat out presence for so much of Lost just like Patrick was a flat out presence in the NBA for like 16 years and then was a coach and was in ‘Space Jam’. Being in ‘Space Jam’, but never winning an NBA title is like Michael do everything he could to leave THE island and does leave THE island, but cannot stay away from THE island and has to get brought back there to die and have his ghost trapped there for eternity, I think. That makes sense. 

Michael is a complicated character. Just like someone you love and someone you hate to big extremes on Lost and it's really no surprise that they needed a great actor to pull off that and Harold Perrineau was the right guy for that. I was a big fan of 'Oz' and he is awesome on that show and yeah just a big shout out to one of the best characters on Lost and on Oz and a great actor. Yeah, and I unabashedly love Patrick Ewing. That Knicks team, seriously, who the fuck was on that team. No question mark needed because it is completely rhetorical as I know exactly who the fuck was on that team and any other person watching the NBA in the 90s does as well. Oh man, yeah, I mean Patrick couldn't get past Jordan, but I mean he got ate up by Hakeem too. Michael was killed by the Man in Black who is The Smoke Monster at that point, so maybe that Hakeem Olajuwon? I don't know. Anyway, fuck. John fucking Starks?! Ok. Sorry. Don't even know how I'd explain John Starks to someone who didn't know who John Starks was and how much he meant. Fuck. Ok. And seriously how odd it was that for multiple years it felt like Patrick played with old dudes and John Starks. They did have Derek Harper. Anyway, ok.

FUCK STYLES? Well, you know my policy on 7 footers. Dingus gigantus, right? Beyond that, I think everyone should know the tale of Patrick Ewing receiving or enjoying a blowjob from a stripper in the middle of a stripclub, so I’d say he’s a full on freak. I think his fuck style aged like his basketball game from like vicious dunker/blocker - all out athlete - to subtle movements and positioning and graceful fade away jumpers. I think he’s gonna be a big true 7 footer center in the paint aka like a big erect penis and he was using that with authority earlier in his life, but at some point he started having bad knees and all that is more about knowing where to put it and artfully work it and let the heavenly spirit of a fade away shot takeover in the love making. Right? As for Michael? Well, he ain’t 7 foot. Ummm, he’s famously divorced on the show. He’s a good looking guy and in great shape, so I think he’s going to get the women, but he’s got a bit of a bad attitude, so over time that ain’t great. How does that translate to fucking? I guess I’m thinking like whatever he’s doing is hot early and everyone is having a good time, but you kind of want it to have a time limit before it gets old. He’s also an artist turned home contractor? I guess he like getting tied up or tying people up and like maybe some vibrating toys. Yeah, sounds right. Ok, and Patrick probably the same. Sure.

And I hope Aloysius is recovering well from the stupid fucking virus. Godspeed, good sir!