#34 - George Mikan is Karl

Hogs. Hogs. HOGS. HOGS!!! Hogs! Hogs. HOGS. HOGS! HOGS. Hogs. Hogs. Hogs!

Just look at that fucking picture of George Mikan. The world was obsessed with the size of this man. It’s 1945, World War II has ended, troops are coming home, we’re settling back into this post-war new normal- what does this country need to bring them together? Let’s stare at this 6’10” white man and make him dress in the tiniest shorts possible and let’s take lurid photographs looking right up his taint and let’s just use the littlest imagination possible to picture this dude just swanging it all over the wanton faces and asses of Pittsburghans at DePaul University. Right? That’s what we needed to heal! And then put him in some professional basketball league! I don’t care whether it is called the BAA or the NBA- get this man out there in the world with his long legs especially the third one and let’s heal imaging this horned rim glasses wearing motherfucker horning us and rimming us and you get it. YES!

That’s George Mikan. It’s probably not what ESPN wrote about him. They probably said something about him being like a 5x champ or some such, which one year was pre-integration, and that he basically put the center position on the map with sky hooks from both hands and shooting granny style free throws and they changed big aspects of the game because of Mikan like the shot clock and changing the size of the lanes and all that. But let’s be real, when the photograph and/or zoetrope were invented it went from like here’s a picture or video of a horse and yeah that’s nice and like 2 hours later they’re like here’s a picture of two naked women dancing and swinging them thangs around. That’s who we are. That’s the freedom America should be proud of and should be fighting to continue. And Mikan was all about being some 6’10” marvel that people loved just standing next to looking up at and you know the whole point of all of that was to better imagine having sex with him. That’s it. That’s what we’re doing. Mikan’s a damn sex symbol. A damn sex icon. Glasses and all. 

And that’s where the #1 THE island fuck boi Karl cums in. AM I RIGHT?! No bigger, literally and metaphorically, fuck boi on THE island than Karl Martin. Home grown fuck boi! And rawdogging too. I’m getting WAY ahead of myself. Basically, THE island is full of adults that were cultivated by Ben and lied to and brought to THE island to serve some purpose with The Others. We meet a lot of The Others and it’s more or less a bunch of people who look like they’re in their 30s and up to much older and then they’ve kidnapped some children from the Oceanic 815 flight and then there’s Alex Rousseau and Karl Martin. We know that Alex is the very pouty, just very genetically French daughter of Danielle Rousseau who gave birth to Alex on THE island and had her taken from her as a baby by Ben who has raised her as his own since and she’s like 15 or something. And really the only other person of around that age that we meet is Karl. Fuck boi. Fuck boi Karl. King ding-a-ling Karl. And, of course, Karl and Alex are fucking. Or hooking up. But probably fucking as basically the whole THE island is under surveillance and Ben is so afraid of Alex getting impregnated by king cum Karl that he arrests Karl and then tortures Karl ala ‘A Clockwork Orange’ with keeping his eyelids open and flashing all these images at him and just all around a scene that has no explanation other than Ben must’ve found cum stains on like Alex’s pants or something while doing the laundry and this is the drastic measures he felt he needed to take. We don’t even meet Karl’s parents or have any explanation of that, but Ben has Karl tortured, beat up, locked in a jail cell, so basically everything he can do despite outright killing the guy because he knows that dick game be that sweet. Oh yeah, did I mention women getting pregnant on THE island die like in the 2nd trimester and that’s what Ben’s afraid will happen to his kidnapped daughter? 

And you know what? Karl gets it. He ain’t even that mad about it. But it does seem that no one is like, ‘JUST USE A FUCKING CONDOM!’ Which is hilarious. This show is filled with all these doctors and scientists and they’re all 1,000,000% as dumb as one’s average Bible thumper, which honestly makes sense since this show does quote the Bible a fuck ton. So, maybe we should assume that since we know that men on THE island are FIVE TIMES more cummy or potent semen wise on THE island than off THE island that Karl is already extremely virile - just look at that fuck boi - and his spermz are TEN TIMES more potent or ONE HUNDRED TIMES more potent and he just busts right through a condom. His spermz just fucking are too much for birth control pills or IUDs. He’s just blessed with the curse of unstoppable semen. Like you can double team or even triple team George Mikan, but he’s going to shoot right over you. Force him to the odd hand? Guess what- he’s ambidextrous with his hook shots! Can’t use baby blockers on Karl because he’s just gonna bust them blockers. That’s what Karl do, baby! FUCK BOI! 

So, 5x champion? I mean, on THE island of 30+ year olds who all act like sociopaths and you just so happen to find an attractive lass about your age who is not brainwashed to the cause and is totally down to clown- that’s 5x championship shit right there, for sure. What luck! Changing and adding rules to the game because of you? As mentioned, that torture room. Seriously, who else was that for? No one. We literally never see or hear about that room at any other point. Also, before we see Sawyer locked in the polar bear cages, Karl is in there with him. And he’s not at all surprised by it and knows how to get out, so he’s been in them cages before. When Mikan died of diabetes in 2005, Shaquille O’Neal paid for all his funeral costs. That’s I think akin to Sawyer being distraught finding out that Karl was killed by the mercenary assassins. And being a part of The Others with basically no origins whatsoever is way akin to Mikan playing for a professional basketball team named the Chicago American Gears and winning a professional basketball championship for the league that predates the NBA - the BAA. Like legit different era fuck boi stuff. 

Fuck styles? I think I’ve probably covered that already. But I think they’d be real into the search terms ‘cock worship’. Just a feeling. Just a lot of verbal praise and positive marveling at them being size queens in the crotch region. I think Mikan’s Catholic background and Republicanness may have meant he’d be real into the incest trend of POV/JOI/JOE related stuff on the internet and maybe the same for Karl who may or may not know his parents considering we don’t know them at all. Yeah, so maybe that too, but really the incest stuff is just so prominent nowadays it’s tough to get around it. I mean just either turn the sound down or you know remember that these people are not related and it’s just another porno. Whatever. Fuck bois 4 life.