#73 - Dikembe Mutombo is Dr. Christian Shephard

Yeah, no one wagged their proverbial finger more than Jack's fucking Dad. I love(d) Dikembe Mutombo and this isn't a negative, but he's the great negater. That's just how he played the game. In football, they straight up call one side of the ball - defense and their job is shutting down people's dreams. And I fucking love it. And that's what Dikembe did on the hardwood. The number two all-time shotblocker (Does that mean Jack is Hakeem Olajuwon? We may find out together. Who knows if my crazy ass will continue this or not.) was living or dying denying as a center presence for many teams and guess what Dr. Shephard was an all-time denier to many characters on Lost. Christian was a denier of love and respect to his son, a denier of his second family and daughter (CLAIRE!) in Australia to basically everyone ever, and a big time denier of what a fucking liquor licking lush he was as he denied the truth about how drunk he was when he was operating on that woman who died and then his son, Jack, had to tell the doctors' panel the truth and finally take the medical license from his dad aka chief of surgery. 

 

Speaking of, Dr. Shephard was the chief of surgery and spinal surgeon specialist- you know who was also a specialist (of defense and rebounds)? Dikembe. You know who was also a chief (of a tribe in Congo, Africa)? Dikembe. You know what is the spine of the basketball court? You guessed it- the paint where most blocks and rebounds take place and where Dikembe ruled. So, yeah. And let's talk about their dicks. Dikembe has a huge dick, I'd guess. Both Artis Gilmore and Dikembe Mutombo are over 7 feet tall and I would legit not believe you if you said guys over 7 feet tall have small dicks. They have to have huge hogs. All 7 footers have big dicks, I said it. Prove me otherwise. George Muresan had some dank, foot long flaccid as all hell, uncut, tube steak dick. You know it. Smelled of shallots for days. Years even. Anyway, I'm not going to talk about all the NBAers having big dicks, but I'm guessing they do. Nevertheless, Dikembe has a famed wondering dick and so did Dr. Christian Shephard. Dikembe had like 12 wives and who knows how many kids and, at the very least, Christian fucked some random woman in Australia and that produced the littlest grown up woman Claire who proceeded to get knocked up herself and then get on a damn plane that crash landed on an island where she gave birth to a weird ass omen baby, Aaron. So, they got that in common. And Jack thought Christian was boning his own wife played by Julie Bowen and you know what... I don't think we ever got real closure on that. Julie Bowen in real life fucked Tucker Carlson, so I'm saying Julie Bowen's character probably fucked Jack and Claire's dad aka Christian aka Dikembe Mutombo of Lost. Real zaddy vibe from Christian in that weird episode. And Dikembe was quite the wonderer as a whole human being playing on so many damn teams for so many damn years and I feel like Christian showing up in Jack, Claire, Sawyer, Analucia, and so many other people's fucking stories - especially after he died and became the ghost guide to the island - that that's pretty much the same thing there too. 

 

LASTLY, Dikembe became a cultural touchpoint and good guy and had a whole redemptive arc as a funny finger wagging pitchman for Geico and all that and I think that's the same as Christian becoming the aforementioned ghost guide and helpful haunting of the island who also became sober right before he became a drunk again and tried to impart wisdom on his son who was racing as fast as he could to become exactly like him in every good and bad way. So, when Mutombo talks you listen, when Christian talks you listen, and that wraps up #73.