#65 - Pau Gasol is Liam Pace

Deep down, you know Liam was better than Charlie. C’mon! Be honest with yourself. For once! Let’s just be real, like really real, and let’s all admit that Charlie was a full on creep and Liam wouldn’t have kidnapped and punched Sun ever. Ever. Never ever. There’s no way that smooth-singing, pre-Rob Pattinson good-looking Brit/stringbean would have dragged his friend’s wife into the jungle and beat her up and, even worse, would’ve mimed eating peanut butter out of a jar with his finger on a beach to gaslight a pregnant woman who he’s been full on creeping on. 

And Pau would never either. Never! I’m not saying Marc Gasol would. I’m only saying Pau would never. Pau was raised by a loving and intelligent parental unit consisting of a mommy doctor and a daddy nurse administrator in Barthelona, España. I just want to say that this is not a hit piece on Marc Gasol. He seems lovely. I still haven’t looked at the rest of the list and unless this list was written by Marc Gasol, I’m guessing he’s not on this list. Still a good ball player, but Pau is better and I’m going to say that he’s the better brother like Liam is the better brother over Charlie. And let’s be clear- that is only a negative about Charlie and not about Marc. Now that that is out there, Charlie sux.

Liam was Driveshaft. He was the looks, he was the voice, he was the show. Not debatable. Oh, what? Charlie wrote the lyrics*? DURRRRRR!!!! HAVE YOU READ THE LYRICS?!!?!?!?! Let me post them in their entirety:

You all, everybody

You all, everybody

Acting like you’re stupid people

Wearing expensive clothes

You all, everybody (3x)

Fuck you for even thinking Charlie was better for one second. ONE SECOND and you get a ‘fuck you!’ What are those lyrics even about? You know who is the stupid person in expensive clothes? Charlie. He's the stupid one. Stupid Charlie. Honestly, Liam had to push that turd of a song up the steepest, slipperiest, most dangerous, tallest mountain, a mountain called ‘fame and success’, each and every time he sang that atrocious song to the cheers of thousands. Liam is fucking Sisyphus. Not ‘fucking’ Sisyphus, like he is Sisyphus. It’s probably what led him to doing heroin. And drugs seem fun for a small period of time, right? Either way, Liam kicked heroin, so no harm no foul. Whatever, he missed his daughter being born, but he was there for the rest of her life as far as we know. Get over it! 

International success and acclaim and beloved by the peoples of Hollywood? Sounds a lot like Pau Gasol to me. Do I really need to talk about how great Pau is/was? 2x NBA Champ, at least half a dozen all-star teams, he’s got numbers in points and rebounds that rival a bunch of guys that I’m guessing are on this list like David Robinson and Patrick Ewing. Obviously, Pau’s biggest years were the LA ones and as dangerous as Kobe was, and he certainly was and will be around the top 10 I’m guessing on this list, teams had to watch out for Pau just going the fuck off on them. I always liked how easy Pau’s buckets looked most of the time. It was like he was thinking, ‘I’ll just put this right over there’ and in that scenario he meant the ball into the hoop. 

What else? They’re both Euros, right? Fuck Brexit. What else? Liam and Pau are definitely the sexier brothers. I’m not saying Marc doesn’t have a rugged handsome charm to him. But Pau’s got that squirrely-ness to him that makes him sexy as a man. I feel like if we’re not talking about like a standard good looking hunk/babe guy then when we’re talking about a sexy male we’re kind of talking about a squirrely-ness like something is a little off and Pau’s got that, Liam’s got that. Marc looks like a solidly built lumberjack-man. Charlie looks like a baby with stubble. Anyway, fuck style? I’m guessing it’ll be all or nothing. Like either Liam is going to be performative like he’s fucking for a sold out Wembley show or he’s just lying there. Pau? Same. Some nights, he was on fire. Other nights? He’ll be a plucked Big Bird just laying there. 

Brothers, the better brothers, superstars, Euros, Los Angeles residents at one time or another.