#45 - Anthony Davis is Paulo

Hunks. HUNKS. You know it. Just two certified hunks right here. Hunky? Yeah. They’re hunky, but they’re hunks. Full stop. Whatever they do is at least hunky adjacent because they’re just straight-up hunks. I just want to keep typing the word hunk, so that you’re saying it in your head. Do you read in your head in your own voice? I’m guessing you must, but maybe if you know me you’re reading it in my voice. And in either scenario, hunk. HUNK. Maybe the antithesis to finger. Hunk is good to finger is bad. A hunk fingered me on Veteran’s Day. Why are you reading this? I hope to have fingered a hunk before the next solstice. Anyway, I love you. Weren’t expecting that, right? HUNKS!

Honestly, I haven’t really been reading the ESPN blurbs about the players as I get to them. I did read the first like three I think, but there’s not much there and I hadn’t thought twice about them for the past I guess 18 of these guys or so, until this one. I, genuinely, was surprised to see Anthony Davis on this list and this high on it too. Top 50 is a big thing. In like 1996, the NBA or whoever did a big top 50 all-time list and I remember getting the coffee table book for that for I guess my birthday or some holiday as that was the type of shit you got as presents before the internet became the only thing anyone cares about. You got a big oversized book that you’d look at once and was strange to read being that it was like 1.5 feet tall and then you’d have to find some place to keep it for seemingly the rest of your life? I don’t know. Anyway, ESPN thinks that Davis has the promise to be one of the best basketballers of all-time given what he’s done and what they expect him to do. I, for sure, could see people giving this #45 pick a big ole’ jerk off motion and griping quite a lot about ‘recency bias’ and just flat out guessing bias considering Davis hasn’t played that long in the NBA and has been a star player for a horrendous team for most of it. Beyond recency bias of him being a current player, it’s super recency in that this particular COVID shortened season has been Anthony’s most prominent season being on a team that actually matters that could go on to win the NBA championship if there is a playoffs this season. So, it is a strange pick. I’ll say that. On the other hand… Davis is a hunk on that fucking court! 

Dude is 6’10”, got a 7’6” wingspan, can jump out the damn building, and his per averages are in-line with some of the all-time best centers - 24 points, 10+ rebounds, 2.5 blocks et cetera. For the most part, all of that has been more or less wasted on an overall bad team (Pels) and now is a big time threat because he’s on the Lakers with Lebron. So, yeah, he’s been cooking folks just like a certain professional chef I know named Paulo. Did you forget or not remember that Paulo is a professional chef? Why would anyone remember that?! Paulo is played by the very attractive Rodrigo Santoro and the earliest his story goes back is him being a professional/personal chef for this rich ass TV/movie producer or something. So, he’s this guy’s chef and then sexy actress Nikki is banging this rich guy and the two of them poison the guy to death to steal a bag of diamonds from him. Right? I think that’s what this whole thing was. So, yeah, Paulo was a part of a generally terrible team as well as he was cooking for a living, but his girlfriend was cucking him as part of their grand plan. I guess poisoning the guy and making off with a bag of $8 million worth of diamonds is Paulo finally getting the trade to the Lakers to be with ‘Bron. 

Reset, Anthony Davis is physically quite hunky being big with all those muscles, but more so he’s was one of the most sought after hunks/prospects in the league as everyone knew the Pels weren’t going to build around him and instead were going to deal him to the top bidder. Meanwhile, Paulo is quite good looking, seemingly a decent golfer if that matters to you, and is a professional quality chef, which is pretty cool. And as Anthony and Lebron are killing it, #1 in the West, BLAM!!! COVID-19!!! Honestly, I’m rooting for the season not to restart as there is no way they’re not all catching COVID in Florida. COVID-19 is a lot like Oceanic flight 815 CRASHING into THE island. Right? BLAM! I guess if this season gets completely fucked and the Lakers’ momentum toward those playoffs gets completely undone and all that that would be similar to Nikki and Paulo turning on each other on THE island and then Nikki poisoning Paulo by getting a Medusa spider to bite him and paralyze him - quarantining kind of feels like social paralysis, right? - and then later he is buried alive (along with Nikki), which would be similar to the season not restarting and being pronounced dead. Right?! RIGHT?! No one gets those diamonds! No one gets a championship! Right? I think this all makes sense. Also, maybe there’s something with how they try to make it seem like Paulo (and Nikki) were on THE island for two seasons, but they definitely weren’t and that’s kind of like this list trying to make it seem like Anthony Davis is for sure going to play like another 8 seasons at this level and maybe win a championship or something. Seriously, nothing against Anthony Davis, but it is pretty fucking bizarre he’s on this list and this high up. Right? I don’t care, but if Anthony Davis retired tomorrow, he wouldn’t be on this list at all, let alone #45. 

Fuck styles? Who doesn’t want to fuck a hunk? Fuck a hunk! Fuck. A. Hunk. Sounds like a good business to me. Fuck a hunk. Yeah, like previous gigantic men on this list, I think finding a bed or a room for Anthony to be in or on is probably tough. He’s probably got a huge dong, but like a big dong can fit on a bed- 7 foot legs do not. Rodrigo is quite handsome, but he does have incredible small eyes. They seem to be getting smaller as he gets older, but his face stays quite attractive. I don’t know what that means. I’m just saying it’s noticeable. And Anthony’s got a unibrow and he makes it work. So, if you’re into unibrows or no eyes having men then yeah you’d like what these hunks are throwing down.