#48 - Bill Walton is Oldham

DRUGS. 420, baby! Mary Juana, baby! Hey baby, want to trip balls on some shroomy-moomies? Put some of that sticky icky all over for my body woddy and send me to the potty. Lickity LSD-ity and lets lickity each … I’m going to stop, but am I right? You know I’m right. What? Ok. DRUGS! That’s what we’re all thinking about. Bill Walton is the NBA equivalent of a Grateful Dead concert just overflowing with drugs and replace the funky scales of a jam session with I guess rebounds and double double stat lines and tough defense, and just as much stinky hair coming off a 70s era white dude. So, yeah, when we think about 2x NBA champion Bill Walton we think about drugs and being a big ole’ menace on the court, which I think matches up quite well with The Dharma Initiative’s lonesome interrogator Oldham who is really only seen one time and that is when he forces Sayid to ingest some LSD variant to get him to talk while he’s tied to a tree by chains. Uh huh. 

Honestly, you get it. Just look at the damn pic up there. You know I’m right. You know these two weirdos are the two weirdos that needed to be compared to each other. They look like they’re related. Seriously, look at that hookah huffing werewolf known as Bill Walton for three seconds and you know he would’ve had to have been part of the dark hippie cult - The Dharma Initiative. You can definitely picture that tall lanky freak of nature getting zooted muhglooted on anything he could get his big slender man paws on and then run through some tropical jungles with a AK-47 or a stick he thinks is an AK-47 looking to tangle with some ‘hostiles’. He would’ve volunteered to dig a hole to harness a time-travel energy light or whatever the hell the ‘Heart of the Island’ is and would’ve done it with an ear to ear grin while high as the moon. And interrogating hostiles? For sure! You see what a menace he was on the court? He would’ve forced himself to take the drugs and then just screamed in some hostile’s face until they gave up the deets. It’s right there in the photo. Goofy, scary, hallucinators who probably have real strong beliefs about one using their own natural body oils to cleanse themselves of dirt, ie no showers or very rare showers or basically, only ‘showering’ when they’re outside and it’s raining. 

Fuck styles? Well, it’s going to a long drug fueled affair. I feel like you probably can’t trust Oldham not to drug you, but maybe he really only does that when he’s forced to by The Dharma leaders. He seems to keep to himself and they go to him, so I don’t really think this is a spider and the fly scenario and more of a when he’s needed he does it. I’m not saying you can trust him, but he’s also like a goof in that one scene, so I think if you refused drugs he’d just give a shrug and be like, ‘well, more for me.’ I think Walton could be similar, but who knows - I mean his son is a creep, so yeah. Either way, I think Oldham and Walton are on drugs and they’re expecting the sex could be an on again, off again journey as long as the drugs last, which could be hours upon hours. You may need to get your mail redirected to this sex den tent or wherever you’re at - maybe the flatbed of a pick-up truck out in Joshua Tree. So, like you’re on the drugs, and then maybe there’s some making out and touching and all that and then when the drugs hit you kind of just chill out for a while and ride that together and then you start going after each others parts for a bit and that might not result in anything in particular because you’re so fucked up on drugs and you kind of just collapse in goofy laughter and holding again and then like an hour later you may have ridden out that first big wave or two, so then you like make sure to like fuck fuck before another wave comes in or before you end up taking more drugs and just like never attempt to get less naked or sweaty. Could be a day long thing.

You’re also going to need to be into pubes. Or body hair, but really pubes. Like full on comfortable with like a throw pillow’s worth of pubic hair because that’s what I’m picturing down there for both of them. Just never trimming down there. A spiteful amount of pubic hair. Besides like general aesthetic, it’s literally problematic for them and their daily lives. They could definitely have hair matts down there like the back of a golden retriever’s ears. They just refuse to deal with it. Complete nihilists when it comes to their pubes.