#57 - Clyde Drexler is Dogen

Oh man, I was a big fan of The Glide. Generally speaking, I’ve always been an Eastern conference fan, but there were some players in the West that I couldn’t help but root for and Clyde Drexler was one of them. Really just an all-around talent both offensively and defensively, team leader, assassin-like scorer, durable as all hell, and just plain mean tough. As a big Western star though, quasi-villain in my eyes and he kind of seems like a dick. Nevertheless, I love Drexler and wanted to name my first dog after him, but my parents named the dog Rusty instead. Uhhh, the dog was my birthday present! Anyway…

Speaking of dog(s), DOGEN! Right? Yeah, Dogen is an asskicking, Mr. Mysterio who is in charge of Jacob’s Temple and is apparently the protector of THE Temple from The Smoke Monster. Outside of that, we don’t know too much about Dogen, but he seems like a dick and villainous. Dogen is played by Hiroyuki Sanada who has played a samurai in like 1,000,000 movies/TV shows and he fucking rules at it every damn time. Typecasting, sure. Racist, probably. But the dude fucking delivers. Dogen isn’t a ‘samurai’, but you hire Sanada to make him kind of seem like a samurai and to insinuate that he’s a fantastic martial artist, hand-to-hand combatant type. And Sanada delivers on that as Dogen has a great fight with Sayid and seemingly could’ve beat Sayid, but didn’t and then later Sayid drowns Dogen’s ass in The Temple’s indoor pool. I feel like I skipped the dick stuff. 

So, Dogen speaks English. He’s Japanese and speaks Japanese and has a translator, but we find out he speaks English and the translator bit is just to keep a distance with people and kind of fuck with them as their powerful leader. So, yeah, Dogen’s a dick. Jacob’s crew all feel like villains even if they’re not, which is basically how I thought of the Western Conference my entire life. And then there’s the part where he makes a poison pill and gives it to Jack to give to Sayid to die, but Jack doesn’t give it to decide and instead takes it himself and then Dogen does a real violent Heimlich on him. He’s a dick and it kind of reminds me of Drexler being cool to play against the HIV+ Magic Johnson, not because he was progressive, but because HIV or not - Drexler wanted to beat Magic Johnson and prove he was better. And not to say that this is necessarily a bad thing, but Drexler’s one of those dudes who thinks they’re better than the rest of the guys on this list. Sure, no real reason I guess to give Michael Jordan the head nod, but you know it’s kind of a dick thing to be like, ‘Nope, I’m better. I don’t care, I’m better.’ Sure, Drexler probably gave Michael some tough games and all that - 1991 NBA Finals, for sure - but, in the end, I mean it’s Sayid drowning Dogen in the pool and not the other way around (is Sayid going to be Michael Jordan?). 

Oh yeah, The Temple and Jacob et al is Phi Slama Jama. Dogen’s on THE Island’s ‘THE Dream Team’ of best fist-fighters, uh huh nailed it. And Clyde did win the NBA championship with Hakeem on the Rockets ‘95, which is like Dogen getting to watch Jack’s piano prodigy son tickle the ivories in the parallel dimension. I don’t know! What do you want from me?! 

Fuck styles? Dogen’s got a kid, so most likely he banged the mom. Dogen basically killed his son in a DUI accident and that’s when Jacob showed up at the hospital and was like I’ll save your kid’s life if you’ll be my #1 Temple fighter. Which is real strange as Dogen was like a banker or something, so why was he going to be a great hand-to-hand street fighter? I’ve been to Japan and I don’t even remember seeing one bank and definitely zero street fights outside of them. I remember their convenience stores and how rad as fuck they were. I don’t know if Dogen banged anyone on the island. Kind of got the hermit vibe from him. Just jacking it in his room of plants. A former banker turned UFC fighter and botanist? Weird. Yeah, so I think Clyde fucks. I think we all get that. I think Clyde also lost his virginity at a young age. Just got that vibe. He probably looked 30 when he is 14. I can’t imagine Clyde looking young. Bet he had a mustache in third grade and a bald spot before he could drive. Am I alone on this island of thoughts? Clyde just kind of carries it like that. The Glide? I know it rhymes, but I mean how many other ‘Clydes’ out there got ‘The Glide’ as a nickname and not just like ‘Clyde the slow ass banker who isn’t a botanist’? What?