#61 - Robert Parish is Cindy

Oh yeah! Cindy. Cindy Chandler. Cindy as in the flight attendant who gives Jack the extra bottle of vodka right before the plane splits in half and they crash into THE island. Yerp. Yeah, Cindy is Robert Parish. Yeah, that ‘The Chief’ Robert Parish. The 4x NBA champion Robert Parish is Cindy Chandler. 

I just looked up how old Robert Parish is and wiki says 66, turning 67, and that has to be a government conspiracy lie. I’m pretty sure Robert Parish is closer to 140 years old. Yeah, maybe 130 years old. I don’t know exactly, but somewhere in that area of 120+ years old. So, James Naismith invented basketball and I’m not saying Robert Parish was the first kid with a basketball in his hands in 1891 at the YMCA in Springfield, Mass, but I am saying that The Chief was definitely there in 1892. Clearly. We all know that as fact. Robert Parish is fucking OLD. Robert Parish has always been fucking OLD. I don’t know if Robert Parish ever existed as a young man. Robert Parish could be a vampire or time-traveler or immortal or like an eternal concept taken human shape like in the ‘Sandman’ graphic novels and he’s The Chief aka the eternal concept of Chiefness. 

What I’m getting at is that Robert Parish was in basketball at the beginning, always in basketball, and is still somehow in basketball in the future. Parish played in the NBA for TWENTY MOTHERFUCKING THREE YEARS! He’s got all these crazy ass old man, forever man stats like played more home games than anyone else and like oldest man to dunk a basketball and like oldest man to score double digits and like oldest man to elbow another man in the face while holding a basketball with both hands over his head and oldest man to hold a basketball over their head with both hands and the man who has held a basketball over their head with both hands the most in life - both singular instances and duration of time spent. It’s crazy! 

You know who was also there from moment fucking one until moment fucking infinity? CINDY! Cindy is Oceanic Airlines flight attendant onboard the fateful flight 815 and she survives the damn crash and she survives on THE damn island as a member of the tail section - TAILIES!  What what! - and she survives being taken by The Others and she thrives as a member of The Others and she lives at The Temple and she lives through the attack of The Temple and she walks with the Man in Black and she survives the mortar attack and she survives the whole damn show! Cindy is in the first flashback and is still alive on the fucking THE island when it’s all said and done. Do people die of old age on THE island? Who knows?! Cindy is probably still there, still kicking it, still making her hair work whether it is a punky bob or the flowing locks- Cindy!

Cindy and The Chief (a great name for a TV show or book series) did their thing forever and are absolute team players for many damn teams. Parish was a big deal in college, drafted 8th overall, played for two plus decades, played for four different teams, a cornerstone of one of the greatest NBA dynasties, and was a multi-talented threat taking care of the boards, blocks, and he scored a ton of (b)points or buckets would’ve been better over 23,000(!). Cindy? Oh yeah, she was a featured member of the Oceanic flight crew, a key voice of reason with the Tailies, and the adopted caretaker of the kidnapped children - Zach and Emma - with The Others. She had many roles to play and she handled her shit each and every time. She also survived the whole damn show, so she’s the real 4x champion. 

Fuck style? Cindy is a beautiful woman who can and does make everything look like fashion - flight attendant uniform, crash landed dirty ass flight attendant uniform and a sash tied around her head, some random ass clothes she found from a suitcase that survived the crash, handmade/sewn dirt brown THE island clothes, she’s got like a red ribbon tied into her long hair later on the show. So, good looking and fashion thing means she knows what sexy is plus she’s got this reasonable side (dealing with Ana Lucia's prison pit) slash obviously maternal side (taking care of them kidnapped kids) and I’m saying this is going to be some good good sex. She’s an international flight attendant, which suggests she’s probably seen and done some things, some things you may not be comfortable with, but Cindy will hold your hand through it (figuratively, maybe literally too) and she’ll see you through to the other side for the better. 

As for The Chief? Honestly, I cannot fathom having sex with a 7 footer. Like this is maybe the eighth or so 7 footer on this list and it’s just nuts to imagine what having sex with a human that big would be like. Where is this sex happening? On a bed? Do 7 footers fit on beds? Are we talking in 2020 we’re doing this because did they have beds that fit 7 footers commercially available in like the 70s or 80s? I’m like 6’3” on a good day and it isn’t easy for me to feel fully comfortable on beds sometimes. I feel like having sex with a 7 footer would mean something would touch you that you didn’t know could touch you and that would be a little scary at all times. Like a 7 footer’s leg could legit be hitting you anywhere at any time. I don’t know. I think you either have to do all the work like you’re climbing around on this guy like he’s one of those aluminum geometric dome climber things and you’re hanging upside off this guy and pulling your self up on other parts or you just let this ent fuck you however way he can and you two still fit in the same room.