#53 - Gary Payton is Cassidy Phillips

There are a lot of thieves on Lost. Like a surprising amount. There’s basically two thief main characters and then they know a lot of thieves and then so many other main characters either dabble in thievery or get swindled by a thief. And one thought I had at the beginning of writing this list is pairing the steal artists of the NBA with the thieves of Lost and this is our first of such pairing(!!!!!)- Gary Payton and Cassidy or Cass as Sawyer huskily calls her.

THE GLOVE!!! This is my fucking blog and I fucking love ‘The Glove’. Damn it! Damn it, I loved the Seattle Supersonics with Gary Payton and the almighty ‘Reign Man’ Shawn motherfucking Kemp! DAMN IT! Damn it. Shawn’s not going to be on this list is he? Fuck, it would be nice to know who is on this list ahead of time, but I’m sticking to not knowing. Damn it, I loved watching Payton alley-ooping to Kemp. I know this is about Gary Payton, but, as a kid or youngman, I had a few NBA jerseys and one of them was Shawn Kemp and I loved him and a part of why I could love him that much was because of Gary Payton. Gary facilitated my love for Shawn. It’s a beautiful fucking thing. FUCK! And I loved Gary. Loved him too. I remember arguing for Gary over John Stockton and I didn’t care if statistically that made no sense whatsoever, but I would’ve picked The Glove over Stockton because it’s my life, it’s now or never, I ain’t gonna live forever, I just want to live while I’m alive- it’s my life. I hope that sticks in your head for at least the rest of today. 

THE FUCKING GLOVE! Damn it, Gary! You sexy defending demon! Gary is a full on complete point guard. Obviously, the moniker ‘The Glove’ is about Gary’s defense and his 9x All-Defensive First Team and, specifically, his 1996 Defensive Player of the Year and most steals that season, and 4th all-time in steals- let’s just stop there for a second. Oof, that’s fucking good. Great, even. Gary! What were you doing to them?! Apparently, trash talking them to death. Arguably, the most famed trash talker in league history is Gary Payton. He was on them like a glove, he was physical as shit (a 6’4” point guard), and he’s telling them about every single flaw they have physically and emotionally right into their ear into their brain. Love it. Love. It. But that’s not all! 21,000+ points in the fucking league! 18 years in the fucking league! A solid decade of average 20 points a game in the fucking league! A decade of averaging 7-9 assists a game in the fucking league! Just durable as all fucking shit- started every game of the damn season in 10 seasons and 4 other seasons where he started nearly every game but 1 or a few. Multiple seasons averaging over 40 minutes a game. The Glove should not only be on this list and I think rankings mean nothing, but I’d knock a few back and get this man in the top 50 because he’s Gary fucking Payton. Oh yeah, and he won an NBA championship! 

You know who is also great at stealing, at defense, at trickery and chicanery, at being lovable? Cass. Played by the wonderful Kim fucking Dickens, Cassidy is first introduced as one of the many pretty ladies that Sawyer is gonna thief from, but she’s too smart for that. Cass not only is not tricked by the almighty scammer Sawyer, but she gets him to teach her how to be a super thief. Sawyer and Cass go on tandem thieving until Sawyer tries to pull the long con on Cass, which momentarily works until Cass calls the cops and gets Sawyer locked the fuck up. And then she starts seeing his ass in prison because he stole her heart - awww! - but also because they weren’t practicing safe sex and he blew a baby into her belly and they had a daughter named Clementine and thus Cass played the ultimate long con on Sawyer as Sawyer would continue to thief and scam to make money to send to Cass to raise Clementine. WHO IS THE MASTER THIEF NOW?! 

Cass also teams up with another thief superstar, Kate, at first to get her out of a jam, but then to do a master con on the police and FBI to sneak Kate into a one-on-one meeting with her crazy ass mom. And Kate and Cass continue to be friends and Kate brings Aaron - the baby she stole - to Cass’ to play with Clementine - the long con baby of thief Sawyer. So, yeah, just thieves defending their own. So, Cass is good at defense because she spies the thief who is trying to steal from her, she then learns how to steal, she then defends herself and goes on the offense by putting Sawyer behind bars, she defends her baby by passively getting Sawyer to steal a bunch of money to pay for Clementine, she defends Kate and goes on the offense against the FBI by pulling a scam on them to help Kate, which is stealing, and she becomes a sage advice giver to Kate after Kate gets off the island, which is like Gary’s role on the Miami Heat toward an NBA championship, which is probably Kate getting the settlement money from the plane crash and giving it to Cass to take care of Clementine. Right? And who doesn’t love Kim Dickens?!?!?! 

Fuck styles? Passionate and a lot of talking. I think they require a lot of communication during sex. I think both are asking a lot of questions, rhetorical or otherwise, about the fucking that is happening at that moment. Like, a lot of ‘do you like that?’ questioning. And a lot of them like demanding you talk some sex back to them during the fucking. I mean, Gary talking trash on the court was no doubt more insane when he was talking it to someone who was talking it back and Cassidy locked up Sawyer, but then visited him in prison all the time to chat, so she’s an emotional fueled communicator. You try to scam her, she wants to be taught how to scam- she's into knowledge. You two are fucking, she's going to want to learn about that fucking. Just a lot of intense whispering while fucking- huge turn on for those ASRM jerkers out there.